Wednesday, June 11, 2014

All the good and awkward things

Today's post will be about the good and awkward things that happened to me today. I hope you enjoy the weirdness.

1. Today in the gym, I was workin my back and being a badass (aka trying to look like I know what I'm doing...and probably failing, since I tried some new back machine that looked like a torture device) and some man who I've seen a couple times walks over and proceeds to say, "baby girl you killin it in here, I just wanna tell you I see the lines in your back and arms, you killin em baby girl. You look so good babygirl, keep goin." I really appreciated his compliment, that was somewhere mixed in, but WHO calls a complete stranger baby girl? Did I miss something? Is this normal? Not in my world. No.

2. My boss ordered cookies for "quality assurance" since we're going to send the same kind to a high priority customer next week (basically so he had an excuse to eat more cookies) and they looked SO GOOD. I touched the packaging on one, and they were super soft too. Good news: I smelled the cookies. Took a biiiiiiiig long whiff. Not in a creepy nose right next to the cookies kinda way, because that's gross, but close enough that I could smell the deliciousness. And then I walked away. Did you hear that? I WALKED AWAY. Yaaaaas girl. And then I broke my fork while eating my salad, so I feel like the universe was saying fuck you for not trying the cookie. Whatever, universe. I do what I want.

3. The boyfriend and I signed our lease to the new apartment! We move in baaaasically in a month. You bet your bottom dollar I've been searchin all over craigslist for cheap furniture, IKEA of course. I live and die by IKEA furniture. And people sell that ish for basically free online, sooo I'm all over that goodness. Bonus: Tiger passed her little paperwork inspection. Most apartments have breed restrictions, and all I'm gonna say about that is that Tiger doesn't look like a pure bred pit. I'll let your mind wander, on that note.

4. We had an office luncheon for my bosses birthday today. During said luncheon, we got on the topic of half marathons, marathons, and triathlons. One of my coworkers, who is super slender, SUPER healthy eater, and relatively active was making comments about how runners are very slender and it's very unusual to see runners who are short and not thin. Aaaaand cue awkward moment/armpits gettin clammy. I'm short. 5'3 and 3/4 to be exact. I'm also not thin/slender. I was 175 yesterday (sodium induced water weight and bloating can suck my non existent dick). I ran my first half marathon a couple months ago, and I fully resent her comment. It made it even more awkward that one of my other coworkers happened to do the same race, and knew that I did it too, and obviously knew that I'm not tall or slender. So I could see out of the corner of my eye that he was glancing at me to see how I'd react. I'm sure she didn't mean it to offend me, but it just came across as ignorant to say anyways. You neeever know someone's story. I could be a motherlovin triathlete betch.

5. After I got home from the gym and showered tonight, I changed into an old sorority shirt, sans bra, because who the hell wears bras when they're home? Am I right, or am I right? Of course my dog takes this time to decide that she needs to pee, nevermind the torrential downpour occurring outdoors. Since it's raining, I figure its ok to go outside without a bra, because no one should be out anyways. WRONG. I take my happy ass outside only to find that of course my neighbors have taken this time to have a little pow wow outside. So me, the dog, and my boobs are greeted by the neighbors. Ugh kill me. Please.

No pictures because pictures of any of these events would have doubled the awkward. Besides the torture device. I should've gotten a picture of that thing. If you've had a bad day, I hope this makes it better, because there are literally no explanations as to why my life is so hilariously awkward. Peace out girly scouts.

-Crystal

3 comments:

  1. Thanks for sharing your story about the rainy day.. def gave me a giggle.

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  2. Hahaha I always lounge around sans bra. Bras suck! Hey, maybe they think you're a hippie and anti-bra!

    I HATE when people generalize about runners. Screw you, I am neither tall or thin and I can run MILES so suck it.

    And I also hate when people call me pet names, people I don't know. No, I am not your babygirl, thankyouverymuch. I am not even my husband's baby girl. So if he's not calling me that, then you better not be calling me that.

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  3. Bras suck aint nobody got time for that! In fact my nickname at home is nipples LOL because well I never wear a bra and I dont care!
    OMG the work goodies are the worst!!! I had to turn down doughnuts not too long ago..I thought I was going to die.

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