Don't Run From the Po-po!

So this post is coming super late tonight. Ya know why? Because there is never a dull moment in my life. I'll just quickly go over my evening because I'm not trying to put my whooooole entire life out on the interwebz, just most of it. Ha.

So I have a brother. He is a troublemaker. He's been a troublemaker his whole life. Most recently, having to do with the herbal remedies of the world, if ya know what I mean. These herbal remedies he enjoys cause him problems because, well, it's still illegal here in the good ole Commonwealth of Virginia. So this fine evening, him and the mother are having a bit of a dispute when he storms to his room, punches a hole in the door (standard grade, pretty thick), and storms out. Mom proceeds to call the po-po, because mama bear does not deal with foolishness.

Meanwhile, Tiger (the dog) and I, are just trying to watch the newest episode of Law & Order, like sheesh, can everyone just chill out?

Police look for little brother (not so little, he's a teenager) for 2 hours and eventually find him, and then he apparently decided it would be a grand idea to push the cop and try to run. Idiot. Hasn't he seen the show COPS? I watch that ish everyday, and they never get away. Clearly he should've asked me for advice before trying to pull this stunt. Needless to say he's on his way to chill with the other hooligans of Northern VA in juvi.

I'm really not a heartless sister, he's just literally been a troublemaker since he was 3, so I mean, it's nothing new. I still love him, I will still judge him/think he's dumb as a rock for pushing a cop, and I will still make fun of his dumb ass when he comes home. I just make light of everything because life is wayyyyy too short to spend it crying and stressed. No thanks. When I stress, I eat. And we alllll know where the whole eating unnecessarily thing got me.

I should write a book about my life. Crazy mother, criminal brother, dog on anxiety pills. And then there's me. I'm just tryin to grow a booty, eat some froyo and lose some weight dammit.

In other news, I'm SO GLAD that this advocare cleanse is almost over (1 more day!). The whole low-ish carb thing I've been trying along with it is killin my vibe in the gym. I can usually leg press 315, today I was on struggle street trying to press 260. Not cool, homies. I need carbs! Also, I know I said I'd chit chat about my mindset/random thoughts/keepin the drive going at the gym, but obviously my life was a little all over today, so that will come later my friends.

Stay out of jail tonight folks, and don't run from the cops. You will lose.
-Crystal

Meal Preppin like a boss

So one of my college amigos saw my picture on my Instagram of the beginnings of my meal prepping, and said she wanted to try it but didn't know how.

a million eggs. actually 18, whatever. boil those suckers.

cut up vegetables. whatever you want really. 350 degrees for 25 minutes.

 It can be super confusing and I still don't get it sometimes. There's a million different ways to go about it, but that's the beauty of it all! There's no wrong way to prep your food. I follow a macro plan, based off of Krissy Mae Cagney's Flexible Dieting ebook, so I base my meal prep around my macros (protein, carbohydrates, and fat). If you're not into that, which is totally fine, than you can just go with portion sizes and that works too! I lost probably 50 pounds from just "eating clean" so it's doable. I'm just experimenting with macros to see if that works too.

So once you've figured out what you wanna do, get yourself a notebook and write down some meals that you're cool with eating for a few days. I am that weirdo that doesn't mind eating the same exact thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a week straight. If it's good, I'll eat it. So I make food for a week. Again, a million ways to do this, so make food for every 2 days if ya want. Get crazy! But for example sake, we're pretending you're prepping for a week.

I write down a carb, protein, and vegetable for each meal. For protein, it's usually chicken, ground turkey, or rotisserie chicken. I could seriously eat rotisserie chicken everyday for the rest of my life and be perfectly content. Is this normal? Probably not. Do I care? Absolutely not. It makes me happy, dammit. But I digress..for carbs it's usually sweet potato or whole grain brown rice. I steer clear of pasta because I have no self control when it comes to that deliciousness. For vegetables I get anything that's steamable/frozen about 90% of the time. Other times I get crazy, see above, and get fresh vegetables to put in the oven. I just buy a lot of all of that stuff because I'd rather have too much than not enough. This is also good so that I have leftovers for the weekend. Leftovers for the weekend mean that I won't be caught licking the frozen yogurt machine with olive garden leftovers sticking out of my purse, when I should be eating vegetables. This is a plus, my friends.

I also keep some random snacks on hand because ya girl does get snacky often. Usually I keep carrots and hummus, fruit, Spark (Advocare), and hard boiled eggs handy. Sometimes you just need something to put in your mouth (LOL I'm immature) so I try to keep it low cal, besides eggs. But those are protein so who cares.

So once I have everything made and portioned out, I keep it in tupperware in the fridge. I've never had a problem with anything going bad, but I guess it's up to you and your comfort level with leftovers. But I mean, if there's a small village growing on it....don't eat it bro. As for breakfast, I switch it up. I make my breakfast every night if I'm making overnight oats (3/4 cup almond milk, 1/2 cup oats, cinnamon in tupperware/jar overnight. good cold or hot!) OR every morning if I'm just having toast and a banana. I keep it light with breakfast or you'll find me napping underneath my desk...but seriously.

I think that's all? If not just leave a comment and I'll answer as best I can!
Tomorrow I'll be chit chattin about my random thoughts at the gym and how to pass the time while you're working out (credit to my sorority sister, Rachael, on the idea!)

-Crystal

Foooood and new followers!

Well hello there, what a super surprise. I'm obviously a new blogger (or is this just a blogger thing?) because I'm crazy excited to have more followers. All thanks to the fabulous Holly pimping out her sponsors for the month. I'm not mad about it! I'm gonna go ahead and guess most of you new folks are here for the giveaway, and I hope you see something you like and stay! If you don't well, ya know, it is a Target giftcard on the line. I'd do the same, so no judgement here my friends! 

So let's see, what's important stuff for you folks to know. I'm 22 and gained a bunch of weight in college. 50 pounds to be somewhat exact. I graduated and started looking for jobs and discovered that, holy shit, being fat is not fun. So I changed. A light went off in my noggin, if you will. I promised myself that if I could commit and lose 30 pounds myself than I could have a gym membership. So I ran for 3 months (Forrest Gump style of course...but not really) and lost 30 pounds. Since then I've lost about 30 more and I'm going from there. I lift heavy, run when I feel it in my bones, and I'm a big fan of body pump.

For all the nitty fritty details you can check out my weight loss story to the right. Yes, under my picture, riiiight over there. Besides that, I ran my first half marathon this year (I clearly had lost my mind. That ish was hard..but worth it!) and I just got my first full time job. Just livin the life one day at a time in good ole Northern VA (the Northern bit is necessary; anyone from VA understands).

So! I'm still goin strong on the Advocare cleanse. I'm not gonna lie, it was hard today. One of my coworkers is El Salvadorian and she made pupusas for the office. They looked and smelled delicious. A lot more delicious than my freakin ground turkey meatballs, sweet potatoe, and broccoli. Major side eye. But I made it suffered through lunch. Know what also made keeping to my food hard? THIS. It was Administrative Professional Appreciation Day, so my boss gave everyone in the admin department an edible arrangement. I DIE. Ya girl was not saying no to this beauty, so I ate a few of the chocolate covered pineapple pieces, logged them in MyFitnessPal, (add me! skinnycrystal73 is my username) because I'd only be cheating myself if I didn't, and kept that shit in my calorie range.

That brings us to what you eat on the cleanse. You're pretty much eating super clean food. No processed food, no dairy (I'm eating hard boiled eggs but that's the only dairy), no coffee (I'm literally DYING), and lots of vegetables and fruit. I'm keeping my fruit to 1-2 servings and the rest veggies since I tend to like fruit with more sugar. Shocker. So I prepared my food for the week on Sunday, because I'm the laziest healthy person in America. I made turkey meatballs, sweet potato, and broccoli for lunches, and brown rice, chicken boobies, a hard boiled egg, and roasted vegetables (squash, zucchini, onion, green pepper, mushroom) for dinner.

Baked the chicken at 350 for about 20 minutes. I use the thin sliced ones because they take less time. Again, the laziness is real.

I keep it fancy, obviously. But not. I seasoned them with minced garlic, some southwest seasoning from Costco (like BJ's or Sam's Club), italian seasonings, and curry. I try to keep it low sodium, but I refuse to use Mrs. Dash because that ish is not tasty to me. I also drown my food in sriracha most days, not cholula. I think I'm the only person in the world who is not the biggest fan of the stuff. I really tried! I just need it spicier. More heat, please and thanks.

Anyways, the turkey meatballs recipe, as promised. I got it from my girl Jess who I found on Instagram. She is the greatest. You should go follow her @fitjb. Now.

You need:

-18 oz. ground turkey
-2 eggs
-1 cup grated carrot (be careful here! nearly chopped off my finger using a hand grater and baby carrots..)
-1/2 medium bell pepper
-2 tbsp. oatmeal
-1/2 tsp. salt and 1/2 tsp. pepper
-1 clove garlic, minced
-1 medium onion, chopped

Do this:

-Set oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit
-Chop/Grate all that crap up.
-Mix all that crap up, not too much or they'll be tough!
-Portion into small meatballs, I used a tablespoon measuring thing.
-Bake 15-20 minutes. Mine took closer to 20, but it depends!
-EAT.

This has been really long, but whatever, it's fine. You got a recipe out of it! They're protein packed and low cal so I don't think you can go wrong my friends. Enjoy!

And here's a cute picture of Tiger giving me kisses when I got home from work, just because. Sometimes I think she actually does love me. Most days she just uses me for the treats.

Anyways, I'm always looking for new recipes, tell me some of your favs!

-Crystal

Advocare Cleanse Days 1-3

So the advocare cleanse is going well I believe. I'm not really sure how much of it is the cleanse workin its magic and how much of it is just me eating well and losing weight as per getting back on the wagon.. you know? I'll chalk it up to the cleanse I suppose. I'll post my results at the end of these shenanigans. For those who haven't heard of this little gem of a cleanse before, it comes with a fiber drink, horse tranquilizer sized pills that are actually herbal cleansing pills, and probiotic pills. I also ordered Spark (kind of like an energy drink kinda thing, but it doesn't feel crazy intense like a pre workout or anything, just a little pick me up for the 3 pm crash at work when I start to bang my head against the cabinets).

The first day I was nervous about the fiber drink because other bloggers mentioned that its kind of thick and not so tasty. But I thought it was pretty good... but that's not saying much because I also happened to enjoy the cafeteria food in high school. 

Thought progression: this is gonna be gross...hmm not bad...ok yea this is freakin delicious.

I took the cleansing pills that night with the expectation that I would be ...ahem, cleansed in the morning. Yea not the case. So of course I started panicking that I'd be stopped up forever. I'm overdramatic, what can I say. Took the fiber drink for the day, lived my life, ya know, salivating over my coworkers delicious lunches an all while I ate my sweet potato, broccoli, and turkey meatballs, and took my cleansing pills for the night. I woke up the next day - STILL no cleansing. And then I got to work and BOOM cleansed, if you catch my drift. Just bein honest, it's not a harsh cleanse at all. Perfectly normal. I'm trying not to be graphic here ok? This is already awkward enough that I've been discussing poo for a whole paragraph. Moving on. I've been weighing myself everyday and the scale is most definitely going down! Nothing drastic, but I wasn't expecting anything crazy since I already healthy for the most part. 

Other than that, my workouts have been on point. I got some super sleuth selfies in while the locker room at the gym was empty. This is a rare moment my friends.

I'm feelin real good about my shoulders and arms. Muscles are growing and it's a beautiful day in America. I could actually see my muscles moving while I was working out, instead of my fat just rolling over itself. So I'm pretty pumped. And my work pants are all getting a bit on the loose side. One of my coworkers said they look like I took a dump because they're so loose in the back. I believe it. No shame in my game. I just need new ones, so ya know, feel free to help a sista out my friends.

That's all for today folks, are you guys having good weeks?

Tomorrow I'll talk about what I'm eating on the cleanse, and a recipe from a fellow IGer!

-Crystal

Getting Advice from Folks..

I hate receiving advice. I think it's a Sagittarius thing. We're a very stubborn lot, so whenever someone tries to pass off knowledge on me, I most likely tune it out until I hear a buzz word that peeks my interest. Surprisingly enough though, the same cannot be said about fitness. I hear anything about working out, I'm all over it until you say something that's just foolish, theeeen I ignore you. Backwards kind of. I hope this is all making sense. Keep up, guys.

So giving/getting advice when it comes to working out is actually really frustrating and confusing. Hell, I still get confused and I've already lost a significant amount of weight. I could've sworn I had a grip on how to eat and work out to lose weight, and then I plateaued at 175 and its still taking me some time to figure it out. Losing the first 60, I had no idea about macro balance (calculating how much protein, carbs, and fats you should be eating) and I pretty much ate whatever seemed healthy until I reached my calorie allotment for the day - and it worked! Now this whole macro thing is big and I'm just baffled as to how I still managed to lose weight and eat however many carbs/protein/fats I wanted. Ugh.

I was recently reminded of how confusing this all can be when a friend asked me for advice, as she wasn't seeing results. She had heard advice from friends, family, and now me, and she was feeling overwhelmed and didn't know what to believe. I can remember feeling the same way and getting so freakin frustrated when people said "do your research and come to your own decision". Like hello, don't got time for that. I just want answers so I can get on with losing this extra human attached to my thighs and stomach and face uhhh thank you very much. Unfortunately, it's true though. Everyone's body is different and sooooo much of weight loss is trial and error. You can copy a fitness model's exact diet all you want, and you will most likely still not get her results. What I did was find blogs. I found Mama Laughlin's blog through pinterest, and from there just looked at blogs that I found on her page. I also looked through pinterest to find Muffintopless's website, and again, branched out from there. It's hard, but as they say (not sure who they is, but yea) you make time for what's important to you. It stops becoming a chore and becomes a part of your life. You no longer look for time to squeeze working out in, it just becomes another part of the day.

So, do your research, stay focused and make it a lifestyle and you'll be just fine.


Also! I started the Advocare cleanse yesterday and so far so good. More on that tomorrow.

Also also! I had a really good weekend food wise and I just wanted to tell someone besides my boyfriend and dog. I picked up the Ben & Jerry's Half Baked pint and then talked myself out of it for literally 20 minutes in the frozen aisle, while my boyfriend stood patiently. He really is the greatest. I'm not sure how he deals with me being a complete psychopath who talks to herself in the grocery store.

Peace out girl scouts.
-Crystal

Random Exercises for those days..

Today..and yesterday.. the whole workin out thing just wasn't looking very appealing to me. I mean, I wanted to workout, but I didn't know what to do. So I was starting to convince myself that I didn't reallllly need to go. Always bad. So yesterday, instead of forcing myself to do some random exercise that I would half ass, I literally made a list of exercises that I like to do and did them twice through after suffering through 20 minutes on the stairmaster. One of the stairmasters was broken and this guy was literally breathing down my neck waiting for me to finish. Needless to say, he got some dirty looks. Do not rush me, sir. It's only been 10 minutes. 

Anywho, this was my random workout: 

Some of this is going to make absolutely no sense, because I don't know the name for everything, I just write down the motion so I know what I'm referring to. So yea, sorry bout that one. I burned almost 600 calories so I'd say it's effective. I'll probably do it again if I'm ever feeling super bored. Today I got home from work a little later than usual because I had to buy the furball more food from some fancy dog food store. Remember how I mentioned a while ago that I buy her expensive shit for her sensitive stomach? Yea. A nice little chunk of paycheck is gone now. I don't wanna talk about it.. So after buying her food I got home around 5:40 or so. I'm kind of weird/OCD about when I get to the gym, so if its going to be past 6 that I get there, I don't go. It's just one of my things. So I did 2 workout videos that I found on youtube. The BeFit channel is great for that, so look it up if you ever need to! They have a huge variety including yoga, cardio, and my girl jillian michaels! Try some of them and see what you think! 

ALSO! Tomorrow I'll be featured on Run Tri Mom's blog! I'm pretty excited about it. It was completely random how it happened too. I follow her on instagram (@runtrimom) and she posted something about all the distances she's run since she became a serious runner and she asked about her followers distances. So I, along with a lot of other people posted our longest distances, so I said I'd run my first half marathon this year after not being able to run one mile last year. Well she answered back saying how amazing my story was and that wanted to feature me! I can't wait to see it on her site tomorrow, so please check our her blog if you get a chance!

-Crystal

Weekend/Race Recap!

Hellooooo out there!

Ok so this weekend was very relaxing, but very busy.

On Saturday, I had to work at the dog daycare and it was actually a pretty low key day, until the end. Of course. Two doggies got into a bit of a scuffle, one dog's whole ear basically got mauled, and I ended up being the taxi cab to the vet. The dog drooled all over my car, I'm assuming from anxiety of being in a new car with a towel wrapped around her head. So that kind of threw off my day.. Afterwards the boyfriend and I went apartment hunting, just for shits an giggles. It all seemed so perfect, until the leasing consultant was completely and unnecessarily rude to a current tenant asking a question about the elevators. The boyfriend made a point that if she talked to him that way, I would be next if I moved in. Good point, darling. And I do not handle sass well. We took a tour of the apartments, and then we were told that heating and air is not controlled in unit (uhh not ok) and there are only two washer/dryers per floor...mind you there are about 30-40 apartments per floor (HELL no). Needless to say, we will not be considering that one when we move in together. The rest of the day was pretty low key; we got pho for dinner, followed by froyo (my weakness) and I ate my weight in frozen yogurt. Completely bad, but I didn't have time to eat anything after breakfast because of all the dog daycare shenanigans, so I didn't feel bad at all for eating alllllll the chocolate at the frozen yogurt shop. Don't judge me - you don't know my life! 

But I digress.. I got home around 10 and started to plan my outfit for my 10 mile race the next day, and then it hit me.

I forgot to pick up my race day packet. UGH MY LIFE. I checked the race website, and of course it says, "Absolutely no race day packet pickup" Well, you know me, waterworks commenced as I'm freaking out and looking for a contact email or number. Got my shit together and emailed them, to which they responded with a simple, "come to the info tent and get a new bib" BOOM calmed the fuck down and went to sleep.

SUNDAY FUN DAY RACE DAY! (I just made that up and it's hella cute. Right? No? ...whatever)

I woke up at the buttcrack of dawn (whyyyy are races so early? I would soon find out) to get the shuttle point for the George Washington Parkway Classic 10 Mile Race with my friend/fast as shit runner/running partner Becca. The shuttle is about a 30 minute ride, but time passes quickly while Becca and I catch up on life (I hadn't seen her since our half marathon a month ago!). There was about an hour before the actual race started, so we got some food, got my bib, and just hung around laughing and talking. The race started and its a downhill first! We quickly were reminded though of the course description : rolling hills. So so so many hills. I wanted to take some pictures but I was just trying not to fall honestly. I just tried to google the views from the parkway, because they're GORGEOUS, but google pictures are lookin kind of lame at the moment. Sorry folks. Use your imagination. Anywho, as I was saying about the whole starting early thing. It was hot as hell. Sweating profusely by mile 2...that kind of hot. It was a good run though, and I'm glad I did it. 

It's the last one that I've signed up for, but I think I'll do a couple more this season, and definitely another half in the fall.. Yikes! I've convinced one of my sorority sisters to run it with me, and it'll be her first, so I need to find a fun one! I'm open to suggestions!

After the race I went to IHOP with this cutie! It's our race day tradition. Judge me all you want, it's the fatty in me begging to be set free amongst the egg white omelettes, hash browns, and bacon.

Ugh, can't get enough of that face.

I may or may not have had more froyo after IHOP...... Ok, now you should actually judge me because I'm out of control. Thank God I'm starting the Advocare Cleanse! It came in today actually, so I'm pretty excited about it. I'm going to start it next Monday. I'm moving this weekend and our kitchen will obviously be in shambles, so I'd rather not waste the cleanse when I don't know what my eating situation will be this week!

-Crystal

(I spent a good hour trying to create a signature online, and it just wasn't working. kill me)

Cleansing, Real Life Issues, and a NSV!

Oh hellooo there!

First things first, the cleanse. I've decided to do the Advocare 10 day herbal cleanse. I've seen a TON of other bloggers do it with great results, so uhhh yea. I'm hoppin on that train real fast. Basically I'll be eating super clean, drinking a fiber drink that will most likely be gross, taking a probiotic, maybe some other pill, and avoiding dairy and coffee. Yea, coffee. So I'm not exactly sure how that's gonna work. We've discussed the fact that I'm a coffee addict right? Yea, I caved today and drank a cup. I was trying to see if I could go without and obviously the answer is maybe, but probably not. I didn't use creamer if that counts....If you'd like to check it out, I ordered mine through Lora Young, a fellow blogger. The link to her advocare page is HERE.

Next, I'm having some real life struggles. The time has finally come to start thinking about moving out of mama bear's house this year. The boyfriend and I are going to move in together, but his lease doesn't end till October and my mom wants to move in the next month or so. That puts me in an awkward limbo of moving out and living alone for a few months/being dead broke for a few months and bumming off my boyfriend or moving with mom and then leaving again in a few months. It's all very annoying and frustrating. I'm going to be a full time employee soon since my temping days are almost over (!!!) but I'm also paying bills and paying for my dogchild, so I'm basically still poor. I pretty much have no solutions, obviously. I just need to stop spending money and save more.

my life.

Lastly, I tried on my size 8 jeans and those suckers zipped AND buttoned. There may or may not be a muffin top hangin around on top of those jeans, but ya know what? I'm taking what I can get here folks.

Please ignore my junky room. I promise those clothes behind me are clean.

Night night folks. Scandal is on and it needs my full attention, obviously.

-Crystal

Driving the Struggle Bus...All Aboard!

Hey friends, my apologies for no post yesterday. Our electric company shut off the whole neighborhood's power to do some work, and then forgot to turn it back on. Yea, that happened.

Moving on, today was a big ole mess in my mind. Not really in my outward life, but in my head I just felt very all over the place. Anyone else have these days? Because I have them often. If I sound crazy, just go ahead and move along to another blog for the day. Just a crazy overstressed person, nothin to see here..

 I've been struggling a lot lately with this whole losing weight thang, as I've said maybe 972,000 other times before today. I get so close to a real loss and then the scale says, "LOL SORRY JUST KIDDING!". It is the absolute worst. I completely agree and understand that I shouldn't judge progress solely on the scale, but uhhh when I've been dancing in circles for 5 months between 174-177, I'm gonna start to go a little bat shit crazy. It's a vicious cycle - I do really well, get to 175, keep doing well, scale shoots back up to 176, I eat everything from DC to California because I'm frustrated, scale ends up back at 177 or 178. Start cycle all over again. So this morning, little bitch scale says 178 and I was about 2 seconds from hulk smashing some shit. I mean, I knew it wouldn't be a glorious number seeing as though I did enjoy some Ben&Jerry's this weekend, but still. A girl can dream, right?

So I get to work and I'm cruisin through instagram, hating life and trying to avoid my coworkers for fear that I may rip someone's neck out if they look at me wrong, and one of my favorite accounts on instagram for inspiration, This girl I've been following for a while, Kristin (@kristinkashuba) pops up with some words to brighten my day. She basically talked about how she took a much needed break and tried to incorporate balance in her life and that while she loves fitness and being healthy, she realized that family, fun, and friends are just as important and to not beat yourself up for falling down or falling behind, as long as you get right back up. Well, you know me, eyes got all watery and I had to pull my shit together real fast. Can't have the coworkers thinkin I'm a big softy (even though I totally am). So Kristin wrote this back when I commented that I really needed to see that and that I really appreciated it.

Her response made me even mooooore teary eyed, and I plan on keeping this screenshot for a while. I've heard these same comments a million times, but for some reason it really struck a cord with me this time. Who knows. Maybe I'm just an emotional mess. That's perfectly fine with me, as long as I'm gettin shit done.

side note: Everything above this was written last night. I promptly passed out because it was most definitely past 11 pm, and ya girl was tired. 

HELLO, HI! It's Wednesday now (wednesday night to be specific. I'm going to bed soon.) So today was much much better than yesterday, mentally and workout wise too. I woke up with a lets-kick-some-ass attitude. At work, my boss ordered pizza and it smelled deeelicious. Did I have some? NOPE. Badass, kept it movin and ate my salad. Would I have liked some pizza? HELL YES. But I know I would have hated myself later for it. Didn't drink any coffee today either! I'm doing a cleanse soon, and you can't have coffee, so I'm trying to prepare myself for that. More on the cleanse tomorrow! After work, I went to the gym and killlllled my leg workout. I set some new PR's (personal records) for myself and I felt great. I squatted 120 pounds and leg pressed 305 pounds. I was feelin unstoppable. I'm hoping tomorrow will be just as great. Because ya girl, is feelin good and trying to trust the process over here. Work with me, universe!

Sorry for the lack of photos, my phone is actin dumb, per usual.

Saturday Shenanigans

It's Saturday night, aaaaand I'm blogging. So that gives you some insight on just how interesting the life of this 22 year old is. I'm currently making some whole wheat waffles that are probably not the best for you...yes they're frozen. Judge me. I haven't had waffles in forever, so sue me for enjoying the hell out of these little babies. Check out the spread.

Boom Chicka Pop is hands down the best healthy popcorn out in the world that does not taste healthy. Yea, I eat healthy for the most part, but I'll be damned if I'm going to choke something down just because it's a better alternate. Heeeeeell no. Notice the 2 redbox movies? It's about to go down. The boyfriend abandoned me for the night to catch up on work, so it's me, Tiger, American Hustle, and About Time tonight! American Hustle is my 3rd Oscar winning movie from this season that I've seen, so I have high hopes. I saw 12 Years A Slave in theaters about a month ago and Ohhhh my goodness was it good. Gave me chills, made me bawl, SERIOUSLY bawl, and really made me think. All the good things. Last week I got Dallas Buyers Club from Redbox; also seriously amazing. Incredible performance from Matthew McConaughey and Jared Leto.  

Anyways, back to my wild Saturday night. I've also got some Victoria's Secrets Rewards cards on the menu because I have a shopping problem. Story time: When I was bigger I would just stare at their swim section and imagine what it would be like to own one that actually fit. I remember buying a black bikini top, and it was so plain because I didn't even think it would look good on me. How sad is that? Literally depressing. Anyways I would wear it, and then put a shirt over it and sit at the pool with a book instead of getting in the water. Way to go, Crystal. My sorority sister who I was living with at the time always made me feel really good about myself though, even when I would just beat myself up about how I hated going to the pool and hated the way the top looked on me. So thanks, Stef. Cut to now, I bought 2 bikini sets and hot damn those tops are colorful and they look good on me. Better believe I'll be in alllll the water this year. Story time over.

I can't find anything to buy with my rewards cards though, because 1) all THREE of them are only worth ten dollars each. Assholes. 2) You can only use 1 card per transaction. I suppose VS caught on to me and the rest of the world saving those suckers and using like 5 at a time to get something crazy expensive basically for free. Whatever. Give me a visa gift card next time, jerkfaces.

Excuse me while I window shop and curse a bit at VS, watch some good movies, and eat my Boom Chicka Pop.......there also might be a pint of Ben & Jerry's in my freezer. Does it make it better that it's the froyo version? I'm going to justify it with the fact that I'm doing Body Combat and Body Pump back to back tomorrow morning. It's fine. 

Jealous yet? No? Ok.

Enjoy your weekends! Anyone see any Oscar winning movies? Thoughts?

How to have a spoiled rotten dog

Step 1. When you adopt her, take her on a shopping spree. I clearly remember the day I adopted Tiger from a family member who couldn't keep her. I also clearly remember spending nearly $200 of my hard earned dollhairs at Petsmart on her ass. Somethin about those puppy eyes sucks you in.

Step 2. Buy them expensive ass food that you most definitely cannot afford. But I can't let my precious child eat Kibbles n Bits! She can only have the best! (My mother says I act like this because it's my first child...side eye) Anywho, her bowls are cute.

Step 3. Let her have the bed to lay on while you sit on...the floor. Yes, I'm sitting on the floor so I don't wake her up. Please don't judge me more than I'm already judging myself.

Step 4.  Take them on runs with you, while they prove to you that they are not worthy of your precious therapeutic time. ex: Tiger sniffing grass while I'm trying to finish out 4 miles.

Step 5. Don't hate them when they bark at every living (and non living) creature. Tiger's favorite things to bark at are men, rabbits, leaves, poop, and children. Yea, I know, I got a psychopath winner as a dog.

Step 6. Give them their crazy people pills, without judgement. Not everyone can be sane and fabulous. Tiger has really bad aggression/anxiety problems. She gets aggressive when she's scared or overwhelmed and I'd rather take care of that little issue before homegirl takes off a child's pinky finger. Lately though, it hasn't been working as well, so we might try a behavioral specialist instead. My name is Crystal, and my dog most likely needs therapy.

Step 7. Only withhold treats (all natural, of course..no but really, anything but all natural and my sicko dog is barfing in my car. yea, that happened.) for 2 days when they decide to chew up your remote control. She didn't even offer to buy me a new remote..lil bitch...literally. awkward.

Step 8. Let them get some morning snuggles in...while taking over your pillow and pushing you away. Most mornings I get a paw or two to the throat while Tiger insists that my pillow is most definitely hers. I would show you the evidence, but you'll have to kill me before you see me with my head scarf on and no bra. sorry folks.

Step 9. Let them have play dates with their friends on the regular. Lord knows Tiger needs friends. She really is a big little bully. She's only 23 pounds but she has to play with the 60+ pound dogs at daycare because she hates little dogs. 

(Tiger and my cousin's dog, Tyson! Tiger took his toy and then got mad when he wanted to play with it. Typical.)

Step 10. Love them just as much as the day you welcomed them home! Puppy breath and all.

The day I brought her home in September 2013!

I hate April Fools Day.

I woke up this morning and thought, finally, I'm in the corporate world, so surely there will be no pranks. Turns out I was very wrong. I get to work around 8, and around 8:30, the woman who I have a love/hate relationship with, named Mary (I'm changin names because I feel like it dammit) comes to my desk huffin and puffin about something I've done wrong. So she rattles somethin off and then tops it off with "you billed the wrong client, you probably just typed in the invoice number off by 1, but still its a $100,000 job and Joe (my boss) won't be happy..he'll probably wanna talk to you about it since it's a high priority client." So at this point I'm not even freaking out, I'm just frustrated because she's always telling me I've done something wrong and I really didn't think I'd messed up anything that big.

So my other coworker who I like a lot more, Amy, comes by and I fill her in and she looks at me like "uh oh, that doesn't sound good..." so NOW I'm freakin out. I'm literally a week away from being offered full time employment and now this crap comes up. Surely Joe is going to fire me before I'm even hired, I'm never gonna move out, I won't be able to afford my bills anymore, Tiger won't have her medicine, my mom will be pissed. Yes, that's my train of thought. To top it off, 5 minutes later I get an email from Joe saying to come to his office when I get a chance because all of this needs to be fixed immediately to avoid problems with the client. So at this point, I'm thinkin, well I might as well pack my shit, because I will most definitely not have a job afterwards.

Do not pass go, do not collect your paycheck.
Aaaaand cue tears. Yep, sittin at my desk snifflin and snottin and crying because I'm just so sure I'm going to be fired. Amy walks by asks whats going on, so I tell her about Jason's email, to which she hugs me and whispers, "April Fools, I sent the email, it was all me!"

I hate everyone.